Working from home as a parent can be both a blessing and a curse. There have been plenty of times where I thought it was the greatest thing in the world because I can be with my kids while I work! It’s dream, right? However, in some ways it has also started a new era of what I think a lot of children will remember with inner conflict. It’ll have been a childhood where they were always wondering when mommy/daddy would stop staring at the screen. They will remember hope, waiting, and disappointment.
That may sound a little dramatic, but in a way, I see it happening with my nine-year-old son Wolfgang. I’ve actually worked from home since before he was born. I remember breastfeeding with him on a Boppy pillow that was wrapped around my waist. I’d have him there while I typed away furiously trying to complete a piece before he became more active and wanted to move. Even then, I remember checking e-mails while walking with him in the stroller. During one particularly challenging time when he was a toddler, I remember hiding in my room to answer clients. I knew he’d be engaged with something in the other room for a few minutes.
The Inner Conflict vs. Gratitude
I do have a sort of constant inner conflict about whether I’m being a kick-ass mom or giving my family and clients everything they need and more. But. I do feel extremely lucky for all of the time I don’t have to spend driving to an office. I feel lucky to be able to walk over to my computer after my sons go to sleep and knocking out a few extra projects. And I absolutely LOVE the feeling of having completed 2 hours worth of work before the house wakes up and then being able to let go, walk into the kitchen and make breakfast. Meanwhile, I’ll listen to Wolf’s latest weird dream, after he yet again complains about being cold. Of course at this point he’s walking around in only his Captain Underpants boxers because he refuses to wear pajamas.
These are things that make working from home worth it. I understand that a lot of people have had a really tough time with it since the pandemic sort of forced it, especially those with younger children. Or teenagers. Or middle-aged children. Heck, it’s freakin’ tough with people of ANY age! In my 13 years of working from home, I’ve come to understand how to do things a little better. There are a few key things that I’ve noticed help me through those really challenging “Oh my God I can’t do this” moments.
Get Back to Basics:
- Time management – You’ve likely seen this in every single article on working from home. I get up at 5 am and work until 7 or later depending on when the kids wake up. I also work during the baby’s nap times and then from the boys’ bedtime at 7:30 until 10 pm.
- Boundaries – This will help with that anxious feeling you get when you feel torn between work and kids. Let your older kids know you will be working for a half-hour to an hour, depending on their age. Power away during that time and then stop and play with them. This is key in helping them trust that you will be available when you say you are. The less you honor your word here, the more anxious and ‘needy’ they will become.
- Prioritize – This will help you feel more accomplished so you’re not sort of wandering around your e-mails and such. GET THINGS DONE, so that when you’re ready to hang with your family, you feel relaxed and accomplished. If you don’t, you’ll feel anxious and frustrated. Remember – how you feel will affect your kids, so be smart and get shit done so you can be happy and present.
Existential Nudges
So, there was a time when one of my clients was an ex NBA basketball player who had an online publication. I managed his team of 8 writers as his editorial director. The communication was poor, and we were constantly switching foundational platforms which confused and frustrated everyone. I’d have to redirect the team and explain what was happening – the team were all in different time zones and communicated through Skype, Microsoft teams and LinkedIn. It was a nightmare. During this time, I was an anxious mess. The communication came in cryptic language and it was difficult to understand what he meant. I was constantly frustrated and waiting for the next sudden change mid-project. Frustratingly. I couldn’t get calm and focused and into a good flow, and I just sort of hated it and it carried over into my time with Wolf (Atlas wasn’t born yet).
I made a realization one day (after yelling “UGHHHHHHHH WHYYYYYY” after he changed his mind yet again). The thought came across my mind, “I’m actually really good at what I do, and he’s kind of treating me like an Igor!” So I suggested to him that he find someone else to do the job and we parted ways. The way I felt, even though I didn’t have any major prospects at that time, was pure elation! I was slightly terrified at the gap in income, but overall, ecstatic that I was FREE. At this point, working from home as a parent definitely felt like it was bordering on torture.
Enter Spark
I began to really vet who I chose to work with and become more intentional. This was actually around the time I began working with Kasey here at Spark. Right from the get-go, I loved her style of communication (she writes how she talks) and is very clear at all times.
She has always honored my time with my kids and as long as I deliver on what we agree upon, she never micromanaged any aspect of our work together. She’s possibly the coolest person I have worked with. I LOVE all of the wonderful, creative, challenging projects we have undertaken and I have grown immensely in many skills as a result.
The Real Secret to Working from Home as a Parent
The key point here is, you have a choice to do work you love. If you hate your work, no level of time management or boundaries will make working from home as a parent work for you. It just won’t. You WILL be miserable. Take an audit of your skills, and find something that will make working from home worth it. Find work that will have you smiling when you wake up at 5 am or at least reasonably content at 10 pm. It IS out there. But that’s the real secret. Find work you love, and THEN read all the articles on how to make it work as a work from home parent. THEN all of those tips will work. THEN you’ll find your flow. And when your kid wants to go for a scooter ride during your 2-hour mid-day break from work, you can let go and enjoy your time talking about “the kid with the potato heart” (which is totally real because it was on YouTube).
Thanks for reading!
-Alex
P.S. Sign up below to get Spark’s Daily Planner (Kasey dreamed it up and I designed it!). It’s super helpful and light in colors so you’re not draining your ink every day!
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